Monster War.

Loves.

retarddxx
Laoma.Panyin
Retardgirl#1.VengYi
Retardgirl#2.YingTing
Retardgirl#3.Michelle
ToiletBowl.DengYin.
Cousin.GarYim
Adna
Yanni
&myself;ancestorCAS.

Bimbotic Diamonds<3
D-lock;ZhengYang
I-lock;Jonathan
A-key;Peishi
M-key;ME!
O-key;siewlin
N-key;Veron
D-key;Charlene

SSAQT,swimmers,
Jerome kor
Mathew ShuaiGe
Weipei
Jialong
Wilson
Simon
-although we have gone separate ways, i'll never forget all of you.

end of post,end of life.

Thursday, February 4, 2010

DOES ANYONE UNDERSTANDS ME?

been crying since 4plus. even since i got home.
everyone has turned their backs on me. and im serious.

when i came home, i wanted to share th joy that environmental society now has 64 members. i just wanted to share this joy with the people i love.
yet my sister shouted: "so what?" and my mum said: "i dont give a damn to whatever you do. just make sure you stop getting involved in dno-what activities and start studying"

so,i shouted back at my sis, and asked her why must she shout at me. okay, in fact i didnt shout. i spoke so nicely. i tried to understand her. yet she just asked me to SHUT UP. and even told me to "GO AND DIE"

see,does anyone really care?
sometimes, people like Hey say there will be someone who would be there.
but in reality, it's not. yeahs there will be people. behind your backs/infront of you running you down and making your life much more miserable than it already was.

ive alot of probs in schl. ive noone to turn to in school cause ive no friends. and when im back at home, i thought i finally had someone to turn to.
but then i was wrong.

my life's screwed. while people had sorrows cause of just school work.
i have sorrows in evth. my family, my friends, my love, my sch work, my singing, my swimming. tt's my life. a life full of misery you can never imagine.

people call me a crybaby. for crying. yet they dno how much hurt im suffering.
my heart aches every minute,and second.
yet there's noone to heal it for me.
doesnt that spell the imperative for Death.
God,take me away. away from this world of cruelty and unhappiness. Bring me happiness, ive never experience before on this scary place.

im never happy.

but at least during this tough times of mine, i know there'll alwys be this person who'll be there.
choy siewlin.
now,i know who i can give my last words to, when god takes my life sometime soon.
hope evone on mother earth will feel happy without me.
cause i bet they will.
im just a liability. a total freak who does not deserve this pathetic life.

and in class,i dno whether people dislike me or not. somehow it's my intuition.
they're nice people,so they dont tell me they dont lk me.
maybe being explicit about how they feel about me,would make me feel much better.
now,im feeling worse. cause they're too nice.

hurt me now,cause im alrd immune.
leave me cold-hearted. cause im nerve-less alrd.

somehow during this kind of tough times,you'll really knw who cares.
not my family.
not friends who seemingly care.
its weird huh.
i called three of my good friends.
one of them said she was unhappy then she cant talk to me.
the other hung up of me.
but at least there was ONE who stood by me all this while.

i really love her.
now,im tired of caring for other people
i take back my words that i will start CHERISHing people arnd me.
lk i said,im cold-hearted. devoid of feelings.

stab me a thousand times, i can only say my heart's t one tt's hurting only.

(tried calling him too) it's surprising too rights. just as i was crying so badly. when my mind was in a total blank. i thought of my three good friends and Him. tried calling him. but he didnt pick up.
it's weird. cause we've lost contact. and he hates me now. lk ttm.
but it's maybe cause these people are really the ones who matter to me t most.

P.S. sorry that i may not be making any sense in this post. im crying. so i cant think properly.
if u see me crying in sch, just walk away and treat me lk a non-living thing.
isnt this what is alwys happening.

but on tues,im glad my class did care. even ziwei did ask me (: at least something worth to be happy about. before i make my last words.

-end of post-
time to end my life with my last words as above.
i hope t people i mentioned,knw they mean alot to me.
gy,neh,Him, and last of all, choy siewlin!
hope your life will be much meaningful without me. at least i knw my life's much better with you around.

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Cassandra

I M C.ASS.L.Y., C.S.L.Y,

I dont believe in True~~Love.~~

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