|
Loves. Laoma.Panyin Retardgirl#1.VengYi Retardgirl#2.YingTing Retardgirl#3.Michelle ToiletBowl.DengYin. Cousin.GarYim Adna Yanni &myself;ancestorCAS. Bimbotic Diamonds<3 D-lock;ZhengYang I-lock;Jonathan A-key;Peishi M-key;ME! O-key;siewlin N-key;Veron D-key;Charlene SSAQT,swimmers, Jerome kor Mathew ShuaiGe Weipei Jialong Wilson Simon -although we have gone separate ways, i'll never forget all of you.
Monday, April 27, 2009  this post is dedicated to a really nice friend who's alwys been there for me. &she's none other than WUYI. she's th only one who'll look out for me whenever im in big trouble. (ie when i see Him) she's th only one who'll bothers to wish me luck whenever there were tests/performances/competitions she's th only one who'll make me feel loved now. she's th only one who cares whether or not im alone. she's th only one who bought me a lil toy from Mac( mocha cinnamoroll) cos i said it's cutee. she's th only one. yeah. one and only. wuyi. <3> Saturday, April 25, 2009 Happy Birthday Dave (: im so glad,things are getting better in my life. swimming championships are over! :D results: 32.19, 10th xD thou im not in finals,this is my best timing ever. &considering i dont train tt much alrd. im so satisfied :} ohyes,and i wished dave bday greetings today,after getting hold of his new no. we have not contacted for 2 years plus,cos of awkwardness and all. but yeah,glad he replied me tks,and we talked. im so glad th awkwardness is over,and i can proudly tell the world tt dave is my friend ((; yeps. maybe i have to wait two years,for Him to talk to me. and for Him to be my friend again. im waiting for his love,but i know it's gna be a long wait,cos he's found a new girl. i dno why im so foolish. i cant stand my freaking attitude of clinging on to someone who hates me,and dont love me. im so stupid aint i? well,not gna think bout it for a moment. maybe not thinking of him'll help. but he appears in my dream ever so often (everyday to be exact). imisshim. iwannatalktohim. Saturday, April 18, 2009 i thought i had a happy family last time. but you've proved me wrong. you turned my life upside down,till i dno how to turn it back. you made me feel lk an idiot. ive had enough. you've done too much. if you think it's alright to use vulgarities on me,im sorry ure wrong. ure just my puny lil sister. where did tt tinge of your respect go? im your older sister for goodness sake. and stop shouting at mummy too. she's done more for you than for me. yet,you dont seem to appreciate. yes,sometimes i get jealous and angry why my mum alwys sides for my sister when we quarrel. and i alwys get th beatings. well,no one'll understand. cos u'll never get scolded a vixen,asshole,faggart by your own sister. but i did. and it aint one time. it's many a time. sometimes enough is enough. my tolerance is limited. life's better now,cos im gna ignore her till she apologies. and since she's ignoring me too,im free from th vulgarities. see? life really aint worth living on. you think thr'll be people around you,but when you look around,you realise youre all alone. yes,tt's what im feeling now. all alone. yesterday was a bad day. i made a fool of myself during chem prac. being freaked out on seeing no flame of the bunsen burner and being a fool by shouting and screaming tt my bunsen burner is spoilt totally made me seem lk an idiot. for goodness sake,tt bunsen burner wasnt lit up yet,so obviously there was no flame- Mr Wong. ahh,and he said this was th funniest thing he ever saw. BLUSHED. ahh,no face alrd. and i went to th wrong venue for my swimming training. damns and made a big round by bus. how i wish to own a hot pink sports car now. to zoom me whereever i want to go. oh. and at th pool. i got laughed and smirked at by three guys. they were prolly laughing at how ugly i look,or something. sighs. looks again. and im getting demoralized cos of the ugly and disgusting face issue. Again. i dno why guys lk to laugh at girls for being ugly. in schl,im laughed at. and when im step out of schl,i get laughed at too. where can i go,srsly? heaven?hell? well,prolly th nicest and safest place. :{ Thursday, April 16, 2009 i feel tt... death is my life's happiest destination. OH YEAH, THERE'S THIS CRAZY ERASER TT LANDED UP IN MY PENCIL CASE,FOR I DNO WHAT FREAKY REASON. OWNER,PLS CLAIM FROM ME. OR NOT I WILL DIE FROM A AFTER DEATH SHOCK SOON! :{ 8 days to SWIMMING NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIPS 19 days to RVCS SYF RVC SYF GOLD! this is good,ohkays! :D im so proud of them,esp buddy heping! hope u'll love th stuffs i made specially for you. ure th only one who has all these! hees. i know all of them did their best. and hopefully,tt ___ wont scold them. and give sacarstic remarks tt they didn do their best,just lk what happened to band. sigh. is tt what rv is for? reprimanding students cos they didn perform to what was their so-high expectations? this is what rv is reknown for. i dont feel proud to tell people im from rv. yes. the end. anyws,im feeling really weak and sick. sorethroat,flu,headache,fever,bodyaches. what illness have i got? shld i go to schl tmr? hees. and im proud to announce tt i have started to forget. :D because of ... hees. was at this swimming party last sunday. and saw this person. for tt night,he was th last person i thought of before i fell asleep. &im so happy tt he's in th same swimming club as my sis,tt means tt i can still get to see him! yayy. im rly on th verge of forgetting! xD goodbye,cancerboy:D Friday, April 10, 2009 14days to National Schools Swimming Championships 25days to RVCS SYF PS: i missed out some more pics. blogger got some prob,i'll upload them soon! xD sorry guys! feeling really unhappy again. i think life's really meaningless for me now. it's not the point that my love is not reciprocated. but it's the sheer fact tt my love is not even felt. gna be happy. oh yeah. i shall upload bday pics now. (from friends only xD)  from weikai (: tks,it's cute. &i cant blv i thot you wrapped th present! keep in touch dude! all th best in stringensemble and your tennis acc!  from crazy jiayi. i was so touched cos you rmbed my bday! woots. love getting high with you too! carry on rocking on.! note from jonneh. note th pink words! he's labelled my most helpful friend:D thanks for fetching me home and all. hees. and you'll be my friend forever,i promise. eternal friendship,so guys,no more rumours about us,pls! xP  from garyim. my real good friend. dont you think it's cute?  addidas deo from mathew shuaige,and bro! i miss you guys loads. we must go out tgt one day. with jerome kor and jialong and wilson and weipei. pls,you must be missing me too! ILY guys!<3 from bestie wuyi. she's the one who'll not make me feel lonely in class. when i was alone,she'd make sure there was alwys someone beside me. it's so nice of her! althou we werent in th same clique last year,im sure our friendship would blossom this year! zoey's postcard. hehs. our heron proj lol!  from DIAMOND. PS. this is so veronish! hees xP thanks all six of you for being there for me at my downest period. i realised i alwys cried infront of you guys,cos i wont feel ashamed or loss-of-selfimage with all th tears. thanks for all your comforts for th past few terrible days for me! ILY! Thursday, April 9, 2009 today's a GOOD day. (acc to my calendar) things got quite smooth today, hees,esp for wuyi! :D so our catch phrase today was "it's a good day" thou jonneh was late for our appt,mervin was there with me,and i got to see Him! :DDDDD anyws,it's 9april. one day passed,from 8th april. sighs. thou it was veron bimbo's bday yest,i was supposed to be happy and cheery,but i dno what got into me. i broke down three times. this surge of unhappiness kept going into my soul. and brought those tears coming along. i tried to hide myself while crying,but people soon found out and came over. i didn want anyone to know i was unhappy,i knew it would affect their moods. but i couldn help it. i feel lk a failure. cant even lk th one i love,cant even be a normal person who wont be alone,cant be one who can sing in a choir. but is one who only bring her own failures upon others,and bring her own unhappiness unto others. i feel lk a jerk of rvchambersingers. someone who's gna let th whole choir down. im a jerk. i feel really sorry to those who did their best,and wanted th best outta rvcs,but yet,i broke all their dreams. esp so to zy and char,cos they rly put in alot,yet my actions could have led th choir down,and their dreams will all be dashed. next week's rvc's syf! cheerios to all of them,esp buddy heping. know tt buddy loves you loads! and im not prettaye! im ugly,dear. guys run away when they see me,instead! D: &cheerios to myself,i've got lotsa emotional stuffs to settle. SHLD I CONTINUE TO LOVE THAT HIM SILENTLY,YET SADLY? Tuesday, April 7, 2009 today's a special day :D it's seventh april 2009. (2yearsago,dave;D) awwws. but my whole mind is on tmr. cos it's finally eighth april tmr! and it's veron's bday tmr! okay,double happiness! xD i alwys look forward to evry eighths of th months,ever since 080808. he played goalkeep for rvyear5soccer today. i wonder th results. cos spencer havent sms me yet.. i feel so lost and depressed cos i cant even wish him good luck for the match. anyws,i wanna say sorry to th friends who i've passed my emo-ness too. i srsly didn realise tt my mood could affect so many people. and thanks char,for the super nice note. and siewlin for tt super encouraging mail. i realised choir peeps were th ones who were alwys there for me. where did my other friends go? labelled a pathetic lonely freak. who needs to tag along with people cos there's no one beside me. PS: im talking to spencer now,and asking th updates of his soccer match. lol. the match is postponed due to a lightning risk. anyws,he looks nice in his dp. lk some model lol :D talking about lightning risk. i had my 2.4 napfa run today(: tiring,but self-fulfilling. cos. i made my personal best xD from 12.24 to 11.33 :D i swear i didn train or anythng. prolly he's th motivation for me? cos whenever i tk about how many rounds th bballers have to run,im motivated to do better. yeps. five items next week. i tk i'll fail sit&reach. 思念，你允许吗？ i dno where th future'll bring,but i know my love for you'll never shift. Sunday, April 5, 2009 昨晚梦见了你。是个美梦。好想天天都能梦见你。 好希望今晚有属于我们俩的美梦。 Back to Reality. tt dream was so sweet. it's been so long since i've dreamt of him. thou he's alwys th last person i think of before i go to sleep. missing him. but i aint gonna express it. lest he gets angry at me :{ two years more. after alvls. i hope then,he'll forgive me. and accept me,even as a friend. maybe two years down th road,he would have found a new girl,but it aint gna change my love for him. but i wonder what my state of mind would be then. i've tried to forget. it's hard. and i realised i wont ever forget him. he's prolly forgotten me now. forgotten my name. forgotten how i look. forgotten where i was from. prolly all tt's in his mind,is his new girl. but it really aint gonna matter. i only hope he'll allow me to love him. oneday. arghs. lonely. feeling desolated. i miss th times where i had friends around me. i know how it feels now,being an outcast alrd. pity. myself. swimming competition in two weeks time. and syf preview on wed. will it be fine? or is it gonna be my causing of rvcs' downfall. mind's in a whirl. no talent. but whre can i go? Death is scary, when you cant say GOODBYE to the one you love. dno why i keep thinking of death these few days. but,life is really just so meaningless. i dno what im living for. D: Friday, April 3, 2009 friends are drifting away from me. esp Garyim. hmms. somehow things do take a change,once time passes. imisstholddays. but evth's over. friends are no longer YOUR friends. D: i m depressed. yest,yc asked me why i could be so happy in reallife,but so sad in virtual world. tt's cos i want dont want my mood to affect people around me. i dont want him to feel guilty or anything. i want to show him tt im happy,so tt he can have an ease of t mind. i want to let my friends know i love their company. computers dont have heart. they dont have feelings. so im ranting to this lifeless object. hmm. he's prolly deeply in love with a girl now.. today,i caught him staring at the girl dominated area in canteen,today. prolly cos he's looking at th girl he lk.. jealous,but i aint worthy of it. it's worth anything to sacrifice my happiness for his. i want him to be happy. and leaving him alone,is th only way. hopefully,tt girl he loves now,would bring him happiness. i tried my best not to turn and look at him... but im rly scared tt,it could be the last sight i had of him... next wed. first rvcs performance. gonna let rvcs down. cos im a useless sop. who cant sing. singing is my passion,but it cant overthrow my lack of talent. frustrated of my inability. i cant believe im joining rv's got talent.. :{ Thursday, April 2, 2009 i broke down. sorry i couldnt take th sorrow anymore. it's breathing down my throat that i cant take the strangle no more. my life sucks. i have no friends. my singing career has ended. and so has my swimming career. my results are lk shit. and i've no one who cares for me. i guess even when i die,noone would know. let alone feel any loss. today. after tt bus trip. i realise i cant even count how many friends i have using the ten fingers. and it's not cos i need to use my toes. it's cos i cant even lift one finger up and proudly say i have ONE friend. cos in fact,i have none. i saw how friends betrayed me. how friends ostracised me. how friends bullied me. how friends order me around lk a maid. i thought diamond would be there for me. but i was wrong. Cry, cry and it'll be over. really? i attempted suicide today. the cars were driving past. and i took a step forward. after thinking how much i wanted to tell him ILOVEHIM,before i die. i realised how much stuff i need to do before i die. i want to tell the friends i love,how much they meant to me. and tks for all they've done. i want to tell my family that they are the best. i wanted to tell him, that i really love him. and it was my fault for not treasuring him. ILY. yes,tt three words. i havent seen him for two days. i miss him. but i force myself not to turn and look for him. i dont wanna be a burden to him. i want him to be happy. sighs. dont wanna go to schl... i turned back hoping to find someone beside me,but what was left,was only my shadow. Wednesday, April 1, 2009 Aprils' Fools folks! hees. i fooled char and jonneh and lydia,but zhengyang was a failed attempt. gna try harder next year! :D woots. and rvcs!,you guys totally cant play pranks xP ms tham aint gonna be tt easy to fool. let's all work towards next wed,dave's bday,syfs,eoys,and aprilsfools next year ((: im so glad my day was superb! thou no one played pranks on me,i aint good to be bullied:P anyws,i did an bitch thing again. during pe. some random sec3 guy lk totally screamed at me and my friends :"excuse me!!" wasnt so pissed at first,but then we girls thought of how to get back at that rude junior. so me being part of bimbotic diamond,here i was bitching away,as i told that guy : "excuse me"also. XDDDD label me a bitch. cos i tk im rly one. :D and pe was fun. w/o napfa. im injured rmb? so i cant take D: sorry to the five girls who sacrificed for our class! and tks too! hope you guys all got GOLD!xD oh and pe,we played captain ball using a basket ball on one third of a bball court along only the width,taking only one third of the space we could take. so apparently,it was so hard to throw here and there. and liting is so storng to throw the ball lk from one end to th other. alil freak out by her,since i was alrd freaking scared of big orange balls. oh. and during chem lesson. all of us totally pissed mrwong off. laughs,and jokes,and spencer's bubble. :D so funnaye! 5k,ure all so cool! xD and chairpersons ceremony. cheerios to shiyuan and candy. im sure you both love 5k loads. and oh yeah. to vengyi and shane and junwen. hope you guys become good chairpersons for your class,but dont ever forget 4b yeps? :D PS:i saw shane laughing non-stop! choir was fun as usual. i dint know how we could all mass laugh tgt. i swear everyone were lauging tgt! end of th day looking forward to aprilsfools2010! ^^ PS: yting,cheerups! |
Profile Cassandra I M C.ASS.L.Y., C.S.L.Y,  
I dont believe in True 
person LOVE me . ? Free Counter was here since 7/12/08 30 Boxes //
Cassandra Tagboard scream it out loud <. Affiliates you're on your way 
? private blog? 2ICEKACHANG ? raye.faye.jaye ? meimei cherie ? garyim ? ytingg! ? vengyi ? feng ? weikai ? zoey ? charlene ? jeanette ? jialong ? wilson ? jiayi Archive gone with the wind » December 2008 » January 2009 » February 2009 » March 2009 » April 2009 » May 2009 » June 2009 » July 2009 » August 2009 » September 2009 » October 2009 » November 2009 » December 2009 » January 2010 » February 2010 Credits take a big bow Background : Photobucket. | |
